The Long and Winding Blog

Suddenly I have the urge to write and record my doings. So this one is going to be long.


So much has happened recently that when I think about it, it just seems overwhelming.


Two of my good friends have passed on, both totally unexpected and both under bizarre circumstances.


Caroline Lina was in her doctors office and he had just given her a "clean bill of health" - as far as he could as she did have some problems. She said her throat (?) hurt, her eyes rolled back in her head and she was gone! This was on Friday, 31 July.


Joanie Lomas had been at Caroline's funeral on Wed, 5 Aug and looked great; our mutual friend, Mary Scott, who was Joanie's Visiting Teacher, spoke to her on Thurs and said that Joanie told her she was so blessed because she'd never been really sick and that she had been walking on her treadmill and losing some weight; Sunday she was in church (a different Ward than me) and was playing with the children (like always), went home and was preparing to come to our singles meeting later, and had an aneurysm and died!


I've known these 2 wonderful ladies for about 37 years - since I joined the church. And I've loved them for just about as long. I'm grateful that neither suffered in their passing, but I am so very sad that they both went without any warning. I'm still in shock. No time to prepare for losing them, just gone in a split second.


So I guess what I'm thinking about most is my own mortality. And it's not that I'm afraid of dying. I am, however, scared of dying 'young'. Mostly because I worry about how Jason would survive without me, where would he go, what would he do, how would he take care of himself. I worry about Shayne too even though I know he can take care of himself - albeit illegally. But Jason? I know that a couple of my friends would take him in, but do I want that? No, I want him to be able to live and survive on his own. I just don't think that he could. And the other reason that I don't want to go yet is because of Family History/Genealogy....Jason just doesn't have a clue about the importance, and Shayne doesn't care about anything to do with 'church'. So who would continue my research and do the work?


In spite of all this dying crap, something positive did come out of Caroline's passing: Someone who I'd been friends with a few years ago and had a falling out with came to Caroline's funeral (turns out she was an old family friend) and we made amends immediately. I think that reunion was Caroline's doing from beyond the veil as this person is a member of the church, but is very bitter towards it. She told me in a conversation a few days after the funeral that Caroline had Almost convinced her to come back to church; but something happened at the luncheon that pushed her farther away. So I think since I'm probably the only other person she is connected with in the church, that maybe someday I can be the difference. But it's okay even if she doesn't come back coz I'm still gonna be her friend.


So, on a happier note, my first child - aka Jason - turned 21 on 8 Sept! How did this happen? Wasn't it just a few days ago that he was 2? Wasn't it just yesterday? We had a wonderful dinner with 11 other people (family and friends) at Olive Garden. We sang Happy Birthday and I think totally embarrassed him. But in the end, later that night, he just hugged me and thanked me, so I think that he really enjoyed himself. I think he was surprised that so many people really love him and wanted to be a part of his big day.


Earlier that day(the 8th) I'd finally gotten the offer for the job that I'd had 2 interviews for (phone and in-person) and waited for over a month to get the final 'yes' or 'no'. It's part-time, but more hours and pay than Target, and there's room to learn and grow. So now I'm back to being a Secretary/Receptionist. I've worked 4 days so far and it's been slow - mostly due to the fact that we've all been waiting for the head guy in Syracuse to get me a password for the program that I'll be working with. I like everyone there and my boss is being wonderful working around Jason's schedule. No other job that I've interviewed for or would have gotten through the temp agencies would have done that. So, the Lord comes through again!


Last Sunday was pretty interesting - well, except for the part of Joanie dying. Of course, it was 9-11, the 10th Anniversary. As can probably every other person who was alive on that day, I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing: sitting at the typewriter (yes, that's right) in the law office in downtown Buffalo where I worked at the time, when the other secretary came back from lunch and said that a plane had just crashed into the World Trade Center. He went and turned on his radio and listened as the second plane hit. Of course we knew then for sure that the first one wasn't an accident. We didn't leave the office that day until 3 o'clock and walking out on the streets was so surreal, like walking into a sci-fi apocalyptic movie. The streets were deserted except for the cops on almost every corner. I went home, turned on the tv and watched in horror as the newscasts replayed the scene over and over again. I still get so emotional about it all to this day, especially when I think about how I felt visiting Ground Zero almost 1 year to the day later. My boys and a couple friends of theirs and I got off the train at Chambers St. (I think it was) and not knowing exactly how far it was, I remember just getting sadder and sadder the closer we got. When we arrived at the site I just couldn't hold back the tears. I was so overwhelmed with emotion. My children and their friends didn't understand why I was crying. We then walked from Ground Zero to Battery Park and rode the ferry to Liberty Island and the Statue of Liberty, and then to Ellis Island. I really don't know how to explain all the thoughts and feelings upon first seeing the statue, being at her feet, and then visiting Ellis Island and learning what my ancestors had to go through before they could set foot on American soil. And to know that so many people who had come here with so much promise of a new life and had spent weeks traveling across the ocean in far less than favorable conditions to reach what was to be their new home - only to be turned away because of some minor illness, or the inability to speak English or to read and write. To imagine being sent back to some place that they were trying to escape from and having all their hopes and dreams shattered in an instant is just so heart wrenching.
Okay, so getting back to the day.....
Lee Baroldy, a member of the Orchard Park Ward, gave a presentation at our Singles meeting tonight. He is a Major in the Army and has done 2 tours in Iraq. He showed a lot of pictures, mostly of the good things like the children and the people. He talked about how 9-11 had changed his life and how, even tho he had served for 20 years in the military (mostly reserves I believe) that when 9-11 happened, he knew he had to go back in. It took him 3 years after that to get in due to a back injury. It really hit close to home knowing someone who has been deployed and hearing firsthand what goes on. At the end when he was taking questions, I spoke up and said that every time I see someone in uniform I make a point to go to that person, extend my hand and say "thank you for serving." He replied with a look of gratitude in his eyes and just said, "we really appreciate that." So the 'ironic' thing about that is that on Wed at the new job, a young lady in Air Force BDU's came in. So when she was done with her business there, as she was about to leave, I stood up from my desk, extended my hand, and said "Thank You for serving" (in front of one of the reps even!). But I am very proud and thankful for all the men and women that are serving in the armed forces, especially knowing that they may be deployed and may die. And I guess because my dad and grandpa served in war times (WWI and WWII) that it makes it all the more special.
Last Tues I was organizing some Family History stuff and came across my dad's pilot licence from I think it was 1953, and it has the physical address where mom and dad lived in Cape Vincent (NY). I'd not had this before, just a p.o. box, so it was pretty exciting to find this and the licence for him to practice as an Air Traffic Controller at Tampa and St. Petersburg airports. I just love Family History.
Last, but not least, I was issued a new Calling, and this one comes totally out of left field. I mean, I was totally blindsided. Brother Rick Kay, who is the High Councilman over all us music directors in the Stake, asked if he could speak with me. I figured it was to talk about the state of the music (ie choir, sacrament hymns, special numbers, etc). But we sat down and he said that on behalf of the Stake, he'd like to issue me a new calling!! I can't say what it is til I'm officially sustained, but suffice to say that I nearly fell off my chair when he said what it is! And I questioned it as it has an age-related aspect to it. But he said that the Stake Presidency had prayed about it - so I'm gonna say that it's ok! lol. But the more I thought about it, the more flabbergasted (sp?) I got because it's pretty big (well, to me it is), it's a lot of responsibility and it just overwhelms me (there's that phrase again) that the Lord has so much faith in me to ask me to serve in this position. I've never been issued a calling by the stake before, not in all of my almost 37 years in the church! So to say I'm a little taken aback is an understatement. But I also got to thinking, and Sharon also said (when I hinted at this calling) that maybe this is the beginning of my Patriarchal Blessing becoming a reality since I'll be involved with a whole lot more people. So maybe I'll meet my Irishman yet!
I think that's all I have to write tonight. Do you think I've made up for what I haven't written the rest of this year?