I find it almost impossible that I've let so much time go by without writing in this blog. There's no excuses for this. Again, it's strange how I used to love to write...songs, poetry, and even tried my hand at short stories. A thought has just ocurred to me though. I used to be so introverted that I was literally scared to talk to people. As an example, during the few months before I got married I served as the leader of my church's Young Adult Group. I was so shy that I was afraid to call my peers to tell them about what was going on in the group. I was afraid to talk to cashiers. I was afraid to talk to anyone I didn't know.....and even to some of the people I DID know. So all my life, I wrote letters to people (long, long letters). I wrote about my feelings to people who'd hurt me. I wrote, and wrote and wrote. But then after getting married and going through a few life-changing things, I came out of my shell. I had to. I had to take care of my children and myself. I had to stand up for my children and myself. So I became extroverted and spoke my mind, and spoke to people, and called people on the phone. And stopped writing. But in doing so, I've lost a lot. A lot of seeing how I've grown. A lot of spiritual experiences. A lot of observations on life, on my children's growth, on life events. And maybe no one cares. Except me. So I've made the decision to record my life. My everyday experiences. My spiritual experiences. The state of the world. Etc, Etc. Starting now.
I believe in 2nd chances. And 3rd....and 4th and so on. If not, I would not have stayed with my ex for so long. But I digress. I prayed the other day for my son Shayne to have and Alma the Younger experience. And the next day he asked if he could come home. Something he has not done in the time that he's been out of jail. So I felt that he deserved another chance. And so he is now home. And now the wondering has begun. Wondering when the cops will show up at my door. Wondering if he really WILL give up the drugs like he promised. Wondering when the first argument will happen. Wondering when I'll have to tell him he has to leave. I don't like feeling like this. But I have have to give him this chance. And I wonder: does Heavenly Father feel like this everytime I make a mistake and then promise I won't do it again. And how many chances does He - will He - give me. And does He ever say, "Enough is enough"? One certainly hopes not. So I will continue to love my son and give him chances just as Heavenly Father loves me and keeps giving me changes. And I believe that someday it will all be worth it. For both of us.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Thursday, October 13, 2011
I don't even know where to begin with this one. It's just so surreal right now. My son Shayne's best friend Kevin, who we've known since just before they both turned 4 (their birthdays are 2 days apart) was arrested yesterday (Wed, 12th) as the head of a cross-border drug ring!!!!!!! It was all over the news today. He's been under investigation (undercover op) for 18 months for dealing/selling prescription drugs that he gets from some 56 year-old from across the border in Ontario. He was arrested selling to an undercover agent! I'm in shock and my heart hurts so bad. I thought of him for years as almost like a son. And now to learn that he's so deep into this and that he could get the max sentence of 20 years AND a Million $$ fine!!!!!! What a total waste of a life. He was arraigned this morning on charges of Conspiracy and Possession. I've been crying for hours for him. And the worst part? All the law enforcement people on the news were saying that there will be more arrests. So, my son will probably be arrested and sentenced to years in jail. I've suspected for a long time now that he's been dealing, and remembering some thing that he's said, it just all fits. AND, they ARE best friends and are always together it seems. Another total waste of a life. Right now I don't even know where Shayne is. He just got out of jail Sept 2nd after serving 5 1/2 months for violating his probation by using. I wouldn't let him come home because I just couldn't risk having the cops raid my home and find drugs and then have my house and car and everything taken away and possibly be arrested. And he probably won't contact me now since he knows I'll turn him in if I know where he is. So he's probably on the run. And Kevin will probably sing like a bird if he thinks he will get a reduced sentence. How does this happen? I mean, how does a beautiful little child with so much going for him end up like this? And I'm asking this in relation to both Kevin & Shayne. Why does a person choose this way of living? And now, to lose possibly the next 20 years of his life? I just don't understand. Just to make some 'easy' money? It just makes absolutely no sense to me. Yeah, it's hard to get into the world, work at a job that you probably hate just to make enough money to put food on the table and clothes on your back. But to risk everything doing it illegally? To risk spending what are the best years of your life behind bars with absolutely no freedoms. Again, it makes absolutely no sense. He - they - are only 20 years old! I wish I could wake up tomorrow and have this all be a dream. I mean, to hear his name said by law enforcement officials on the radio and tv and to see his picture all over the news, to hear that he is the head of this drug ring....and to think of that little 3 year old boy who I knew and loved. I just keep running this through my head over and over and over again. And I want to feel sorry for his mother but I just can't. We were friends for many years, but have been estranged for a few years now. I can't feel sorry for her because of her lifestyle and her pretty much ignoring her children. All 3 of them are way over the edge. I just hurt for Kevin knowing the kind of person he could have been. I hurt for my son too, for the same reason. And I hurt for my son Jason who I know loves his brother, but is also hurting for him. People that choose to live outside the law think that whatever they do only effects them. They just don't seem to understand that it effects everyone that loves them. Whether it be physically, emotionally or mentally, others are always effected.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
The Long and Winding Blog
Suddenly I have the urge to write and record my doings. So this one is going to be long.
So much has happened recently that when I think about it, it just seems overwhelming.
Two of my good friends have passed on, both totally unexpected and both under bizarre circumstances.
Caroline Lina was in her doctors office and he had just given her a "clean bill of health" - as far as he could as she did have some problems. She said her throat (?) hurt, her eyes rolled back in her head and she was gone! This was on Friday, 31 July.
Joanie Lomas had been at Caroline's funeral on Wed, 5 Aug and looked great; our mutual friend, Mary Scott, who was Joanie's Visiting Teacher, spoke to her on Thurs and said that Joanie told her she was so blessed because she'd never been really sick and that she had been walking on her treadmill and losing some weight; Sunday she was in church (a different Ward than me) and was playing with the children (like always), went home and was preparing to come to our singles meeting later, and had an aneurysm and died!
I've known these 2 wonderful ladies for about 37 years - since I joined the church. And I've loved them for just about as long. I'm grateful that neither suffered in their passing, but I am so very sad that they both went without any warning. I'm still in shock. No time to prepare for losing them, just gone in a split second.
So I guess what I'm thinking about most is my own mortality. And it's not that I'm afraid of dying. I am, however, scared of dying 'young'. Mostly because I worry about how Jason would survive without me, where would he go, what would he do, how would he take care of himself. I worry about Shayne too even though I know he can take care of himself - albeit illegally. But Jason? I know that a couple of my friends would take him in, but do I want that? No, I want him to be able to live and survive on his own. I just don't think that he could. And the other reason that I don't want to go yet is because of Family History/Genealogy....Jason just doesn't have a clue about the importance, and Shayne doesn't care about anything to do with 'church'. So who would continue my research and do the work?
In spite of all this dying crap, something positive did come out of Caroline's passing: Someone who I'd been friends with a few years ago and had a falling out with came to Caroline's funeral (turns out she was an old family friend) and we made amends immediately. I think that reunion was Caroline's doing from beyond the veil as this person is a member of the church, but is very bitter towards it. She told me in a conversation a few days after the funeral that Caroline had Almost convinced her to come back to church; but something happened at the luncheon that pushed her farther away. So I think since I'm probably the only other person she is connected with in the church, that maybe someday I can be the difference. But it's okay even if she doesn't come back coz I'm still gonna be her friend.
So, on a happier note, my first child - aka Jason - turned 21 on 8 Sept! How did this happen? Wasn't it just a few days ago that he was 2? Wasn't it just yesterday? We had a wonderful dinner with 11 other people (family and friends) at Olive Garden. We sang Happy Birthday and I think totally embarrassed him. But in the end, later that night, he just hugged me and thanked me, so I think that he really enjoyed himself. I think he was surprised that so many people really love him and wanted to be a part of his big day.
Earlier that day(the 8th) I'd finally gotten the offer for the job that I'd had 2 interviews for (phone and in-person) and waited for over a month to get the final 'yes' or 'no'. It's part-time, but more hours and pay than Target, and there's room to learn and grow. So now I'm back to being a Secretary/Receptionist. I've worked 4 days so far and it's been slow - mostly due to the fact that we've all been waiting for the head guy in Syracuse to get me a password for the program that I'll be working with. I like everyone there and my boss is being wonderful working around Jason's schedule. No other job that I've interviewed for or would have gotten through the temp agencies would have done that. So, the Lord comes through again!
Last Sunday was pretty interesting - well, except for the part of Joanie dying. Of course, it was 9-11, the 10th Anniversary. As can probably every other person who was alive on that day, I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing: sitting at the typewriter (yes, that's right) in the law office in downtown Buffalo where I worked at the time, when the other secretary came back from lunch and said that a plane had just crashed into the World Trade Center. He went and turned on his radio and listened as the second plane hit. Of course we knew then for sure that the first one wasn't an accident. We didn't leave the office that day until 3 o'clock and walking out on the streets was so surreal, like walking into a sci-fi apocalyptic movie. The streets were deserted except for the cops on almost every corner. I went home, turned on the tv and watched in horror as the newscasts replayed the scene over and over again. I still get so emotional about it all to this day, especially when I think about how I felt visiting Ground Zero almost 1 year to the day later. My boys and a couple friends of theirs and I got off the train at Chambers St. (I think it was) and not knowing exactly how far it was, I remember just getting sadder and sadder the closer we got. When we arrived at the site I just couldn't hold back the tears. I was so overwhelmed with emotion. My children and their friends didn't understand why I was crying. We then walked from Ground Zero to Battery Park and rode the ferry to Liberty Island and the Statue of Liberty, and then to Ellis Island. I really don't know how to explain all the thoughts and feelings upon first seeing the statue, being at her feet, and then visiting Ellis Island and learning what my ancestors had to go through before they could set foot on American soil. And to know that so many people who had come here with so much promise of a new life and had spent weeks traveling across the ocean in far less than favorable conditions to reach what was to be their new home - only to be turned away because of some minor illness, or the inability to speak English or to read and write. To imagine being sent back to some place that they were trying to escape from and having all their hopes and dreams shattered in an instant is just so heart wrenching.
Okay, so getting back to the day.....
Lee Baroldy, a member of the Orchard Park Ward, gave a presentation at our Singles meeting tonight. He is a Major in the Army and has done 2 tours in Iraq. He showed a lot of pictures, mostly of the good things like the children and the people. He talked about how 9-11 had changed his life and how, even tho he had served for 20 years in the military (mostly reserves I believe) that when 9-11 happened, he knew he had to go back in. It took him 3 years after that to get in due to a back injury. It really hit close to home knowing someone who has been deployed and hearing firsthand what goes on. At the end when he was taking questions, I spoke up and said that every time I see someone in uniform I make a point to go to that person, extend my hand and say "thank you for serving." He replied with a look of gratitude in his eyes and just said, "we really appreciate that." So the 'ironic' thing about that is that on Wed at the new job, a young lady in Air Force BDU's came in. So when she was done with her business there, as she was about to leave, I stood up from my desk, extended my hand, and said "Thank You for serving" (in front of one of the reps even!). But I am very proud and thankful for all the men and women that are serving in the armed forces, especially knowing that they may be deployed and may die. And I guess because my dad and grandpa served in war times (WWI and WWII) that it makes it all the more special.
Last Tues I was organizing some Family History stuff and came across my dad's pilot licence from I think it was 1953, and it has the physical address where mom and dad lived in Cape Vincent (NY). I'd not had this before, just a p.o. box, so it was pretty exciting to find this and the licence for him to practice as an Air Traffic Controller at Tampa and St. Petersburg airports. I just love Family History.
Last, but not least, I was issued a new Calling, and this one comes totally out of left field. I mean, I was totally blindsided. Brother Rick Kay, who is the High Councilman over all us music directors in the Stake, asked if he could speak with me. I figured it was to talk about the state of the music (ie choir, sacrament hymns, special numbers, etc). But we sat down and he said that on behalf of the Stake, he'd like to issue me a new calling!! I can't say what it is til I'm officially sustained, but suffice to say that I nearly fell off my chair when he said what it is! And I questioned it as it has an age-related aspect to it. But he said that the Stake Presidency had prayed about it - so I'm gonna say that it's ok! lol. But the more I thought about it, the more flabbergasted (sp?) I got because it's pretty big (well, to me it is), it's a lot of responsibility and it just overwhelms me (there's that phrase again) that the Lord has so much faith in me to ask me to serve in this position. I've never been issued a calling by the stake before, not in all of my almost 37 years in the church! So to say I'm a little taken aback is an understatement. But I also got to thinking, and Sharon also said (when I hinted at this calling) that maybe this is the beginning of my Patriarchal Blessing becoming a reality since I'll be involved with a whole lot more people. So maybe I'll meet my Irishman yet!
I think that's all I have to write tonight. Do you think I've made up for what I haven't written the rest of this year?
So much has happened recently that when I think about it, it just seems overwhelming.
Two of my good friends have passed on, both totally unexpected and both under bizarre circumstances.
Caroline Lina was in her doctors office and he had just given her a "clean bill of health" - as far as he could as she did have some problems. She said her throat (?) hurt, her eyes rolled back in her head and she was gone! This was on Friday, 31 July.
Joanie Lomas had been at Caroline's funeral on Wed, 5 Aug and looked great; our mutual friend, Mary Scott, who was Joanie's Visiting Teacher, spoke to her on Thurs and said that Joanie told her she was so blessed because she'd never been really sick and that she had been walking on her treadmill and losing some weight; Sunday she was in church (a different Ward than me) and was playing with the children (like always), went home and was preparing to come to our singles meeting later, and had an aneurysm and died!
I've known these 2 wonderful ladies for about 37 years - since I joined the church. And I've loved them for just about as long. I'm grateful that neither suffered in their passing, but I am so very sad that they both went without any warning. I'm still in shock. No time to prepare for losing them, just gone in a split second.
So I guess what I'm thinking about most is my own mortality. And it's not that I'm afraid of dying. I am, however, scared of dying 'young'. Mostly because I worry about how Jason would survive without me, where would he go, what would he do, how would he take care of himself. I worry about Shayne too even though I know he can take care of himself - albeit illegally. But Jason? I know that a couple of my friends would take him in, but do I want that? No, I want him to be able to live and survive on his own. I just don't think that he could. And the other reason that I don't want to go yet is because of Family History/Genealogy....Jason just doesn't have a clue about the importance, and Shayne doesn't care about anything to do with 'church'. So who would continue my research and do the work?
In spite of all this dying crap, something positive did come out of Caroline's passing: Someone who I'd been friends with a few years ago and had a falling out with came to Caroline's funeral (turns out she was an old family friend) and we made amends immediately. I think that reunion was Caroline's doing from beyond the veil as this person is a member of the church, but is very bitter towards it. She told me in a conversation a few days after the funeral that Caroline had Almost convinced her to come back to church; but something happened at the luncheon that pushed her farther away. So I think since I'm probably the only other person she is connected with in the church, that maybe someday I can be the difference. But it's okay even if she doesn't come back coz I'm still gonna be her friend.
So, on a happier note, my first child - aka Jason - turned 21 on 8 Sept! How did this happen? Wasn't it just a few days ago that he was 2? Wasn't it just yesterday? We had a wonderful dinner with 11 other people (family and friends) at Olive Garden. We sang Happy Birthday and I think totally embarrassed him. But in the end, later that night, he just hugged me and thanked me, so I think that he really enjoyed himself. I think he was surprised that so many people really love him and wanted to be a part of his big day.
Earlier that day(the 8th) I'd finally gotten the offer for the job that I'd had 2 interviews for (phone and in-person) and waited for over a month to get the final 'yes' or 'no'. It's part-time, but more hours and pay than Target, and there's room to learn and grow. So now I'm back to being a Secretary/Receptionist. I've worked 4 days so far and it's been slow - mostly due to the fact that we've all been waiting for the head guy in Syracuse to get me a password for the program that I'll be working with. I like everyone there and my boss is being wonderful working around Jason's schedule. No other job that I've interviewed for or would have gotten through the temp agencies would have done that. So, the Lord comes through again!
Last Sunday was pretty interesting - well, except for the part of Joanie dying. Of course, it was 9-11, the 10th Anniversary. As can probably every other person who was alive on that day, I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing: sitting at the typewriter (yes, that's right) in the law office in downtown Buffalo where I worked at the time, when the other secretary came back from lunch and said that a plane had just crashed into the World Trade Center. He went and turned on his radio and listened as the second plane hit. Of course we knew then for sure that the first one wasn't an accident. We didn't leave the office that day until 3 o'clock and walking out on the streets was so surreal, like walking into a sci-fi apocalyptic movie. The streets were deserted except for the cops on almost every corner. I went home, turned on the tv and watched in horror as the newscasts replayed the scene over and over again. I still get so emotional about it all to this day, especially when I think about how I felt visiting Ground Zero almost 1 year to the day later. My boys and a couple friends of theirs and I got off the train at Chambers St. (I think it was) and not knowing exactly how far it was, I remember just getting sadder and sadder the closer we got. When we arrived at the site I just couldn't hold back the tears. I was so overwhelmed with emotion. My children and their friends didn't understand why I was crying. We then walked from Ground Zero to Battery Park and rode the ferry to Liberty Island and the Statue of Liberty, and then to Ellis Island. I really don't know how to explain all the thoughts and feelings upon first seeing the statue, being at her feet, and then visiting Ellis Island and learning what my ancestors had to go through before they could set foot on American soil. And to know that so many people who had come here with so much promise of a new life and had spent weeks traveling across the ocean in far less than favorable conditions to reach what was to be their new home - only to be turned away because of some minor illness, or the inability to speak English or to read and write. To imagine being sent back to some place that they were trying to escape from and having all their hopes and dreams shattered in an instant is just so heart wrenching.
Okay, so getting back to the day.....
Lee Baroldy, a member of the Orchard Park Ward, gave a presentation at our Singles meeting tonight. He is a Major in the Army and has done 2 tours in Iraq. He showed a lot of pictures, mostly of the good things like the children and the people. He talked about how 9-11 had changed his life and how, even tho he had served for 20 years in the military (mostly reserves I believe) that when 9-11 happened, he knew he had to go back in. It took him 3 years after that to get in due to a back injury. It really hit close to home knowing someone who has been deployed and hearing firsthand what goes on. At the end when he was taking questions, I spoke up and said that every time I see someone in uniform I make a point to go to that person, extend my hand and say "thank you for serving." He replied with a look of gratitude in his eyes and just said, "we really appreciate that." So the 'ironic' thing about that is that on Wed at the new job, a young lady in Air Force BDU's came in. So when she was done with her business there, as she was about to leave, I stood up from my desk, extended my hand, and said "Thank You for serving" (in front of one of the reps even!). But I am very proud and thankful for all the men and women that are serving in the armed forces, especially knowing that they may be deployed and may die. And I guess because my dad and grandpa served in war times (WWI and WWII) that it makes it all the more special.
Last Tues I was organizing some Family History stuff and came across my dad's pilot licence from I think it was 1953, and it has the physical address where mom and dad lived in Cape Vincent (NY). I'd not had this before, just a p.o. box, so it was pretty exciting to find this and the licence for him to practice as an Air Traffic Controller at Tampa and St. Petersburg airports. I just love Family History.
Last, but not least, I was issued a new Calling, and this one comes totally out of left field. I mean, I was totally blindsided. Brother Rick Kay, who is the High Councilman over all us music directors in the Stake, asked if he could speak with me. I figured it was to talk about the state of the music (ie choir, sacrament hymns, special numbers, etc). But we sat down and he said that on behalf of the Stake, he'd like to issue me a new calling!! I can't say what it is til I'm officially sustained, but suffice to say that I nearly fell off my chair when he said what it is! And I questioned it as it has an age-related aspect to it. But he said that the Stake Presidency had prayed about it - so I'm gonna say that it's ok! lol. But the more I thought about it, the more flabbergasted (sp?) I got because it's pretty big (well, to me it is), it's a lot of responsibility and it just overwhelms me (there's that phrase again) that the Lord has so much faith in me to ask me to serve in this position. I've never been issued a calling by the stake before, not in all of my almost 37 years in the church! So to say I'm a little taken aback is an understatement. But I also got to thinking, and Sharon also said (when I hinted at this calling) that maybe this is the beginning of my Patriarchal Blessing becoming a reality since I'll be involved with a whole lot more people. So maybe I'll meet my Irishman yet!
I think that's all I have to write tonight. Do you think I've made up for what I haven't written the rest of this year?
Friday, September 9, 2011
The Best Son
My son Jason turned 21 yesterday! He had a wonderful day and dinner with family and friends. He's a great young man. I read a post today from a friend regarding his son; he says: (my son) "is the best son a father could ask for". I would have to disagree, since I believe that Jason is the best son a father could ask for. The problem with that is that Jason's father has not been a part of his life for 10 years. No contact. Nothing. I think back on the last 10 years of my son's life. He's faced the loss of his favorite (and basically only) grandparents, his dog (to disease), a couple of his friends (to drugs/alcohol); graduated from High School AND Harkness; stayed true to his faith; secured employment where his boss (Chef Warren) really likes him (and I know that because I've spoken to his boss); and become even more kind and caring and loving than he was as a little boy. How sad that his father doesn't know that Jason is the best son he could ask for. But I know one thing for sure: Jason is the best son that a mother could ask for. I'm so blessed to know that.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Apprehension
My son got out of "jail" (the county correctional facility) today. He's been in 4 1/2 months. I was apprehensive about seeing him today but it actually went pretty well. I'm feeling sad though. Sad that he's chosen this kind of life. Sad that I had to let him know that he cannot live in my house anymore due to his drug use and his choice to live a less than righteous lifestyle. I can't risk losing my home because of his choices. I've already experienced (before he went to jail) 4 cops at one time searching my home. I love my son more than anything. I don't love his choices. He did hug me a couple times and tell me that he loves me. But I'm still unsure about that. I don't know why. Maybe because of the choices he's made and the wedge that it's put between us. I just don't understand it all. I used to blame it on his father deserting us - and even when he was in the home, he wasn't there emotionally. But my older son - who obviously lived through the same things - has walked on the other side of the line. Hasn't done drugs, hasn't gotten arrested or in trouble with the law; doesn't drink, smoke, do anything criminal. So what made the difference? I wish I could find an acceptable and somewhat comforting answer to that question. It's just so disheartening right now that my son no longer lives in our home. But on the other hand, he's 20 years old right now, so maybe he shouldn't be living under my roof. But then again, he'll be staying with his friend, who's not exactly a good example either. But we all make choices. We are free to make choices.....just not free from the consequences of those choices. I guess all I can do is pray for him and love him. Maybe someday he will see the error of the life he's living. One can only hope.
Friday, January 7, 2011
In reading over last blog I realize I left a couple things out. I must have hit something and deleted part of it. So what I should have said was: "been with my son on his first time on an airplane; seen Donny Osmond (see previous blog)". Now it might make sense to anyone who reads it. Not that anyone will....lol.
My son was just a few days short of being 20 when we boarded the airplane for his first time flying. And then we changed planes 2 times along the way, so he actually got to ride in 3 different ones. and he loved it. Seems strange that he was almost 2o his first time. I've been riding in airplanes as far back as I can remember, probably since I was born. My dad was an Air Traffic Controller and also had a pilot's license (for small planes). I was often on a plane traveling to and from Florida (amongst other places) where his parents lived. It's just second nature to me. And in saying this I realize that there are so very many people who haven't been outside Buffalo let alone on an airplane, which is hard to fathom in this day and age. So I guess I am very lucky.
My son was just a few days short of being 20 when we boarded the airplane for his first time flying. And then we changed planes 2 times along the way, so he actually got to ride in 3 different ones. and he loved it. Seems strange that he was almost 2o his first time. I've been riding in airplanes as far back as I can remember, probably since I was born. My dad was an Air Traffic Controller and also had a pilot's license (for small planes). I was often on a plane traveling to and from Florida (amongst other places) where his parents lived. It's just second nature to me. And in saying this I realize that there are so very many people who haven't been outside Buffalo let alone on an airplane, which is hard to fathom in this day and age. So I guess I am very lucky.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
New Year's Resolutions?
A new day, a new year, a new me. Doesn't that just sound like a "canned" statement. I don't understand New Year's resolutions. I mean, if you want to change something in your life, why does it have to be a New Year's resolution? Why can't it be a "today is the first day of the rest of my life" resolution made at any given moment, on any given day, in any given year? Because what if I waited til New Year's to make resolutions and then died on Jan 2nd? I would have wasted all that precious time in between to start "the rest of my life." Just sayin.
So in that light, my New's Years resolution is to blog more. I started this blog because I do love to write. At least I used to. Writing was my way of organizing my thoughts, of getting out feelings, and of trying to figure things out. When I would write letters to friends I would write pages and pages. I still joke that I used to write "novels". I guess if you've read my blog entries - or are reading this one - you'd get the idea. Maybe I should have been a writer. But then that would involve research and time and I really don't want to do that. I just want to be able to sit down and write a story and have it turn out good. And have people love it. But I've gotten off track haven't I?
2010 was a pretty darn good year I guess. I've kept my house, met the man of my dreams (aka Paul Byrom), seen my favorite group in concert 3 times, traveled to UT where I lived for a year but haven't been back to in 25 years, traveled back home cross country, been with my oldest son on previous blog), solidified friendships, had lovely gatherings with friends and family at the holidays, kept employment, been able to pay bills and made some amazing discoveries in researching my Family History.
On the down side, it has also been a year of sadness with friends passing -both totally unexpectedly so soon. I don't like crying - I've done way too much of that in my life - but with my friend Susan's passing I couldn't hold back the tears; for 3 days. And my friend Alaska put my feelings so eloquently into words: "Death, even when expected, brings paralyzing sadness..." I'm angry - that young, vibrant, absolutely amazing people are taken from us, from me, while absolutely horrible, wretched people are left. And although I totally without question understand the Plan of Salvation, it doesn't make my heart hurt any less.
So in blogging more, I hope that this will be filled with new insights, great writing, and inspiration and no boring stuff. One can only hope!
So in that light, my New's Years resolution is to blog more. I started this blog because I do love to write. At least I used to. Writing was my way of organizing my thoughts, of getting out feelings, and of trying to figure things out. When I would write letters to friends I would write pages and pages. I still joke that I used to write "novels". I guess if you've read my blog entries - or are reading this one - you'd get the idea. Maybe I should have been a writer. But then that would involve research and time and I really don't want to do that. I just want to be able to sit down and write a story and have it turn out good. And have people love it. But I've gotten off track haven't I?
2010 was a pretty darn good year I guess. I've kept my house, met the man of my dreams (aka Paul Byrom), seen my favorite group in concert 3 times, traveled to UT where I lived for a year but haven't been back to in 25 years, traveled back home cross country, been with my oldest son on previous blog), solidified friendships, had lovely gatherings with friends and family at the holidays, kept employment, been able to pay bills and made some amazing discoveries in researching my Family History.
On the down side, it has also been a year of sadness with friends passing -both totally unexpectedly so soon. I don't like crying - I've done way too much of that in my life - but with my friend Susan's passing I couldn't hold back the tears; for 3 days. And my friend Alaska put my feelings so eloquently into words: "Death, even when expected, brings paralyzing sadness..." I'm angry - that young, vibrant, absolutely amazing people are taken from us, from me, while absolutely horrible, wretched people are left. And although I totally without question understand the Plan of Salvation, it doesn't make my heart hurt any less.
So in blogging more, I hope that this will be filled with new insights, great writing, and inspiration and no boring stuff. One can only hope!
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