Second Chances

I find it almost impossible that I've let so much time go by without writing in this blog. There's no excuses for this. Again, it's strange how I used to love to write...songs, poetry, and even tried my hand at short stories.  A thought has just ocurred to me though. I used to be so introverted that I was literally scared to talk to people. As an example, during the few months before I got married I served as the leader of my church's Young Adult Group. I was so shy that I was afraid to call my peers to tell them about what was going on in the group. I was afraid to talk to cashiers. I was afraid to talk to anyone I didn't know.....and even to some of the people I DID know. So all my life, I wrote letters to people (long, long letters). I wrote about my feelings to people who'd hurt me. I wrote, and wrote and wrote. But then after getting married and going through a few life-changing things, I came out of my shell. I had to. I had to take care of my children and myself. I had to stand up for my children and myself. So I became extroverted and spoke my mind, and spoke to people, and called people on the phone. And stopped writing. But in doing so, I've lost a lot. A lot of seeing how I've grown. A lot of spiritual experiences. A lot of observations on life, on my children's growth, on life events. And maybe no one cares. Except me. So I've made the decision to record my life. My everyday experiences. My spiritual experiences. The state of the world. Etc, Etc. Starting now.

I believe in 2nd chances. And 3rd....and 4th and so on. If not, I would not have stayed with my ex for so long. But I digress. I prayed the other day for my son Shayne to have and Alma the Younger experience. And the next day he asked if he could come home. Something he has not done in the time that he's been out of jail. So I felt that he deserved another chance.  And so he is now home. And now the wondering has begun. Wondering when the cops will show up at my door. Wondering if he really WILL give up the drugs like he promised. Wondering when the first argument will happen. Wondering when I'll have to tell him he has to leave. I don't like feeling like this. But I have have to give him this chance. And I wonder: does Heavenly Father feel like this everytime I make a mistake and then promise I won't do it again. And how many chances does He - will He - give me. And does He ever say, "Enough is enough"? One certainly hopes not. So I will continue to love my son and give him chances just as Heavenly Father loves me and keeps giving me changes.  And I believe that someday it will all be worth it. For both of us.